The Parable of the Tide Pen

Once while on my mission my companion and I were at a Saturday evening dinner appointment with one of the members of our ward. We were taken to a delicious Sushi restaurant on Sawtelle Boulevard, and while eating I accidentally spilled a small amount of soy sauce on my white sleeve. I had previously been introduced to the Tide pen, which is an on-the-go stain remover that works laundering miracles. My sorely limited and scanty mission clothes were rescued many times by the magic contained in that spectacular little flasket. Without hesitation I whipped it out of my bag and began to administer to the stain which miraculously and quickly disappeared. This was very impressive to the onlooking member of our ward who had never beheld the beauty of the Tide pen, and he began to ask questions about it. I casually answered his questions and how told him how handy it had been in saving me so many times. I carried it around with me wherever I went so I could call upon it in a moment's notice. The member indicated he was interested in getting one for himself, and I affirmed that it would be a good idea. As missionaries do at dinner appointments, we then launched into our previously prepared lesson for the evening: member missionary work.

The following day I was to speak in the sacrament meeting of our ward. My topic? Missionary work and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. In my final preparation for the talk I recalled the experience of the day before and noted an interesting similarity between my given topic and the Tide pen incident. In our lesson to the member we were inviting him to more actively persue his responsibility as a member missionary. Many have concerns that there is never much opportunity to bring up such a sensitive subject as religion to co-workers, friends or acquaintances. They feel awkward talking about it or they don't want to seem pushy or aggressive in sharing their beliefs. Well, it doesn't have to be that way.

I discovered that the Tide pen is not only the Gospel, but specifically the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As we become more acquainted with Jesus Christ and truly begin to understand our relationship with him, we begin to understand His atonement and how we can more fully utilize it in our lives. As we act and apply it to our own situations, we come to feel the lifting of the burdens of sin and transgression from our backs. Those "stains" are washed completely away and we are no longer laden with the heavy guilt or the shame of wearing a dirty shirt. As soon as those burdens are lifted not only can we stand more erectly (and therefore more outstanding and visible to those around us) but our countenance is brightened and we become "a light unto all that is in the house".

Just like insects, people are drawn to light. We can't help it. It's in our divine nature. We love people that emanate happiness and we aspire to be like them. Real happiness is being free from the burden of sin. The way to "let our light so shine" is to partake of the Atonement, and the more fully we partake of it the more it becomes a part of us. The more we understand it the easier it is to share it casually with those around us without feeling sensitive about the subject.

So in the spirit of this Easter season and the celebration of Christ's Atonement and resurrection, I have decided to choose one specific behavior that I indulge in that interferes with my relationship with Christ and work to eliminate it completely. Not temporarily, but permanently. It may be as simple as not overeating or refraining from watching a certain television show or listening to a certain type of music. Or maybe I'll find a way to help me remember Christ more throughout the day. I will ask myself this question: "What can I change to improve my relationship with the Savior?" I already know this will result in increased overall happiness and a heightened desire to share the Gospel. We all have possession of something infinitely more precious, beautiful and powerful than the Tide pen. Why wouldn't we want to use it and share it?

Dating and Missionary Work: A Common Thread

If you're like me, you are either freshly home from your mission with the sound of your Mission President's counsel to get married ringing in your ears or you have graduated or will soon graduate from your designated school and have virtually no marriage prospects, but are looking for a permanent change in your relationship status. You are fed up with the dating scene and the games one must play to have a chance at doing well in it. Well, I finally discovered that you don't have to play games to win, and of all places to figure out how to thrive in the dating world I learned it on my mission.

In the California Los Angeles Mission (also known as the CLAM), a missionary may encounter the richest of the rich, and the poorest of the poor. I served in an area called "The Jungle" of which has been said is the birthplace of the song by Guns n' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle" because of the wild lifestyle of the residents there. It's a little north of Compton, and a little south of Downtown, and very much in East LA. If any of you know anything about Los Angeles geography, you know that it's a pretty rough area. In fact, that area was the dividing line between the Bloods and the Kripps, which meant there was a higher shooting rate in that area than many others in East LA. I'm pretty sure I made up the entire .001% of the caucasian population there, and I even had to dye my blonde hair brown to keep from sticking out like a sore thumb. It was a very educational and eye opening experience as my little chapparita companion, Hermana Garcia who grew up working the streets of Phoenix taught me the harsh ways of life in the deep ghetto. She even taught me what phrases like "ghetto bird" (helicopter) meant. Immediately after that area I was transferred to an area called Brentwood, smashed right in between Beverly Hills and Malibu. Covering the Santa Monica Stake, Brentwood is home to many famous, wealthy and extremely influential people of the world. So you can imagine the culture shock I experienced during this transition period.

I was never asked, but people always assumed that Brentwood was a more difficult area than the Jungle. It turns out, however, that it actually wasn't, and that was only because I didn't figure out how to be an effective missionary until I actually got into Brentwood. I finally figured out the key to effective missionary work. TALK TO EVERYONE. I never fully comprehended what Preach My Gospel, my Mission President and the First Presidency of the church were telling us when they said we needed to talk to everyone. I knew that we shouldn't pass anyone up, and I tried not to but that didn't stop me from filling our schedule with unpromising visits for the sake of having something to do. Talking to everyone also has a twin brother named "Drop it like it's hot". The combination of both is a lethal weapon for missionary work. Let me explain. 

In my first area, my companion and I worked so hard to get the people we were teaching to keep their commitments. We prayed ferevently that those who were struggling would have a change of heart and a sincere desire to partake of the delicious fruit we were offering to them. We visited them regularly, we served them as often as possible, and we testified our little hearts out trying to get them to see the beauty of the Gospel. We wanted so much for them to want what we had! They would not progress, however. They wouldn't read, they wouldn't come to church, and they wouldn't pray. They would keep their apointments, though. We found that they just really loved our company and the attention we were giving them. This was very frustrating to me. I couldn't understand why missionary work was so hard. I took it as a fault of my own that my testimony just wasn't enough to inspire these people to choose the right. It wasn't until I was transfered into Brentwood that I discovered when to drop people.
Within the tiny borders of the CLAM there are nearly 5.5 million residents. I realized that there had to be at LEAST one person who was prepared and ready right then to hear about and accept the message of the Restoration. If I was wasting precious time with people who were not going to keep their commitments, I would not have that time to find those who were ready. So we dropped them. I learned how to be bold and blunt, and even though I loved these people something fierce, I let them know that I would be waiting for them with open arms when they decided to take seriously what I was trying to tell them. I realized this:

If we as a companionship were to talk to 50 people every day (whether by street contacting, tracting or however), and we could count on being rejected 90% of the time and successful only 10% of the time, that would mean that each day we could count on setting up 5 new appointments with someone every day, or 35 new appointments each week. If only 10% of those people were genuinely interested and wanted to learn more, we could count on 3.5 new investigators coming to church each week. If we had 3.5 new investigators each week in church, that would mean 14 new investigators in a month and if only 10% of those accepted a baptismal date, we would be baptizing 1.4 people every month! At least for LA, those are some pretty good numbers. Now, these are just statistics here. I realize that the more you teach the less opportunity you have to find, and none of this is even factoring in the Spirit, teaching more than 1 person per household, working with the members and getting referrals. So don't take this too far, it's all just to illustrate a point.

So, we freed up our schedule and put into action this new realization. I directed my companionship into the ever-so-painful "finding" mode. I think we visited more homes in those last 4 transfers than I had in my entire mission previously, but I think we also experienced more success in those last 4 transfers than in my entire mission previously. We were on fire. We were seeing miracle after miracle, even moreso than what I had seen before. It worked! In a ward that hadn't seen a new investigator for a very long time, we had sometimes 4 or 5 new people coming each week for church. I was sore amazed that the Lord was guiding us to those people who were ready.

It seems to me that many of us in the dating scene experience many of the same fundamental problems. We all hate being in the painful "finding" mode. It's miserable! It's easy to succomb to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. Sometimes there is no one of interest for us to even think about, or sometimes those that we take interest in have no interest in us. Sometimes there is mutual interest, but you have concerns about a certain behavior or characteristic about that person that provokes alarm or disenchantment.

Whatever it may be, I am a firm believer that the best way to progress in the dating world is to TALK TO EVERYONE. There is someone out there that is exactly what you need and want, and they are ready for you right now! Expand the horizons of your dating pool. Break away from your normal group of friends on occasion and try out a new crowd. If you have the option of staying in or going out, ALWAYS go out. You never know who you will meet. If you're like me and you work full time by yourself and attend school every week night until 10 pm with no one but your same gender, find opportunities to attend other activities on the weekends, even if the activity isn't necessarily something you would normally participate in. You might even be so bold as to test the online dating waters. The times are changing and there is nothing shameful about tapping into those resources. It's just another outlet for you to meet new people. The church uses every way in its means to find people who are ready for the Gospel, so why shouldn't you take advantage of every portal to find your spouse? Statistically speaking, the more you get your name out there the higher your chances are of catching the eye of someone you are interested in back. If you are dating someone and it isn't going anywhere, drop 'em like they're hot. Push through the discomfort and loneliness and if they text or call after you've officially broken up DO NOT RESPOND unless it's to wish them a final farewell. All the pain and discomfort of your breakup will be for nothing and you'll be right back where you started. If you don't find what you're looking for, don't be afraid to move on. It may be painful, but I can promise that in the end it will all be worth it. You WILL find them, you've just got to go forth with faith, and faith means action. You've got an eternity of happiness awaiting you, now you need to just put forth the effort to reach it.

A Few Familial Facts

As I mentioned, I come from a family of 16 children. All are whole, from the same mom and dad, and yes, there are two sets of twins (back to back, might I add). That little fact seems to make people feel better about the whole situation. Because of the very rare and interesting dynamics of my family, all 16 of us have developed very peculiar views of the familial world in which we live. For example, I have been a great aunt since I was 18 (well, I've always been a GREAT aunt, but you know what I mean). My oldest niece Nichole is 3 years older than I and now has 4 children. Last I checked (which was a month or two ago) I had 75 nieces and nephews. For all I know by now I might have 76 or even 78. I couldn't tell you which of my Sisters or Sisters-in-law are pregnant and certainly not how pregnant they are. Of the 400 people that are descended from or married into my grandparents family of 11 children, my father's family alone comprises 110 of them. Upon learning of the massive dynamics of my family I was once asked by a recent acquaintance to list all the names of my nieces and nephews. I did so, and in the list there were at least 3 Joseph's, 2 Michael's, 2 Hannah's and probably a few more duplicates. I had some trouble remembering the name of a few of those more recently born. My oldest Sister is creeping up on 50, and my younger brother coming up on 21. My mother was 47 when the last was born and my father 57. My dad in two short years will reach the ripe old age of 80. My 3 nieces who are older than I played the role of cousins during my childhood years, and those younger than I but still close in age now serve the function as close friends and roommates. It was as if I were being raised by my grandparents because of my parent's age, but I have come to really appreciate it. My parents were seasoned child-raising veterans and I never felt either neglected nor smothered, and they always knew how to explain to me why I should behave a certain way. When I understood that it was right, it was never hard for me to behave well.

I have often been asked "Do you feel close to all your siblings?" The answer is yes, but I think my definition of "close" is very different from that of the member of a regular-sized family. I don't have the memory span each week or even month to call each of my siblings up and have a chat about what's going on in their lives. I don't always remember everyone's birthday, but when I do they at least get a nice text or facebook message. I usually find out about births, moving or buying a house or other significant goings-on in the family through the grapevine or on facebook. This sort of relationship with my siblings would not be considered "close" in the eyes of many, but that isn't what defines it for me. We all love each other because we learned how to work hard together. Because there are so many of us with so many different personalities we had to learn early how to adjust our own behavior to please my contention-sensitive mother. We learned that it was much a more pleasant feeling to be happy than to be irritated or upset, so we learned how to not let the fickle things others did bother us. Because we grew up under the same roof, we can all expect to be held by the same standard of excellence, educationally as well as spiritually. Laziness has never been a part of my family culture.

For the most part my siblings have very much to do with the decisions I make from day to day. I can't say we were all raised by the same parents because my mother 40 years ago is a very different person from my mother now, but the fundamentals are still the same. My mother and father have always built the foundation of our family on the rock of Jesus Christ, and we all adhere to that. I am expected by all of my siblings -- especially my Sisters -- to toe the line when it comes to how I behave, who I date, where I go, and what I do with my life. Because of the incredible examples they have been and where they have taken their lives, I have some pretty big shoes to fill.

My parents have been incredibly successful in raising this family. We certainly are not without our problems but just to illustrate, two Septembers ago my parents sent out my little brother, the 15th full time missionary to serve from my immediate family. When he went through the Temple to receive his endowments, my mother's lifelong dream came true of having all 16 of her children attend the same Temple session. Not only are all still active and Temple-worthy, but all (if applicable) have married exceptionally well and all are educated, successful and are giving back to the communities in which they reside.

When we all get together to talk about it, we always attribute it to my parent's unwavering faith and unfailing devotion to teach us the Gospel. During my grade-school years, I could expect to be woken up at 6:30 in the morning, right after my Mom would get home from her early morning run. While we were getting ready for school my mom would go in the kitchen and prepare breakfast for us. While we were eating breakfast she would use that time to teach us from the scriptures, particularly the Book of Mormon. We would then pray together and she would send us on our merry way to school. She tells us that there were mornings when she didn't want to get up, but on one particular morning she heard a voice loud in her ear say "if you don't get up and teach your children the scriptures, you will lose one or more." This was enough motivation to get her moving, and we scarcely missed a morning study session.

I don't know what I did in the pre-mortal life to deserve the family I was born into, but I couldn't be more grateful for my life now. "Everything I am or hope to be, I owe to my Angel mother." - Abraham Lincoln

To read an article about my family in the Deseret News, click here!: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705374512/Hurricane-Utah-family-sends-out-more-than-a-dozen-missionaries.html

Jumping on the Blogging Bandwagon

Here I am, finally writing my public journal. I did have one once before where I intended to record all of my world travel adventures, but upon my lack of world travel the blog quickly withered and died. Well, I suppose that isn't entirely true. I have seen my fair share of the world, or at least my older siblings would say so who didn't leave the States until they were 30. I have experienced briefly various countries in Central America, the Caribbean, France, Italy, and the tiny isles of Bermuda and Hawaii all in my 24 years of life. Not to mention that 18-month period that I served an LDS mission to the great country of Los Angeles where it could be said that I served in all countries in the world at once because of the cultural and social diversity that is found there. Yes, I have much experience to be thankful for and plan to continue to build my travel resume.