An Important Life Lesson

Anyone that knows me knows that I love people, and lots of them. I've always been a social butterfly and have a history of making friends and bringing them together. In my single college years especially I've been known to combine groups and extend invites to friends I've made in one area of my life to hang out with friends that I had from another area of my life. Sunday night game-nights living at Old Mill in Provo were an excellent example of this. We began with inviting just our ward. As the weeks went on I began to invite (and encourage others to invite) friends from school, members of my family in our same age bracket, friends from previous wards, friends from my mission and friends from my hometown to attend these game nights. At the climax we were consistently stuffing 30 or 40 people into our tiny living room every week, at which point a few of those less inclined to enjoy a too-large group setting would excuse themselves and go home. By this time a tight-knit group of friends had formed with about 13 or 14 of us and with several floaters that were in and out of the group depending on the activity. This was the highlight of my social life. We threw barbecues, attended rodeos and county fairs, played volleyball regularly, went on several road trips, and even took bigger trips to Hawaii and cruises to the Caribbean and eastern Central America. It was never an issue to get people to come to events. Over the several years that this group was in place it evolved because we continued to invite those people we met and because some individuals moved on to bigger and better things. In some cases, people in the group even began dating and got married (or are still in the process).

 I would almost attribute my tendency to combine groups to the massive family I come from, except that not all of my siblings are the same way. It seems like the younger you are in my family the more social you are, something I cannot explain. Perhaps it has to do with being used to interacting with larger numbers of people in our growing up years than my siblings before. Whatever the reason, it is the case.

I have always loved people. I cannot think of very many people in my life that I do not like or was never able to get along with. My family has always been very important to me, but since I've been married it seems like that level of importance has been magnified. Being in such a large family has been absolutely wonderful, but it is also not without its struggles.

I learned a lesson recently that was quite painful. Perhaps it should not have been as painful as it was because for some it may have not been a big deal. I don't know that this lesson will necessarily apply or appeal to everyone but I will share it nonetheless. I will start by telling about 3 separate experiences I had.

The first was at my wedding reception this past November. The plan was to get married in the St George Temple that morning, have a wedding luncheon that afternoon in Hurricane, and have the wedding reception in Las Vegas that evening which is where Stuart is from. I wanted all of my siblings and their families to be at all of the events. I knew it would be a bit of a struggle to get everyone to drive to Las Vegas but most of them came and I was happy. It was actually quite incredible. This close-knit group of my friends drove down from Provo and Idaho and even flew in from Missouri for it. People who we didn't know but were acquainted with Stuarts parents came and wished us well and even brought gifts. The fact that so many people came to show their love and support and celebrated with us was so inspiring to me. People we didn't even know came to participate in the most important day of our lives. It made me want to pay it forward because I was so touched by their selflessness and generosity.

The second story took place a week later at our open-house in Highland, Utah. We decided to host the open-house in northern Utah because both Stuart and myself had spent a good chunk of our adult lives there and most of our friends and many of my extended family members were up there. I wanted to give those that I loved an option to come celebrate with me without having to drive down to Las Vegas. It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and happened to be the day of the first winter storm. I have never experienced a winter storm that ever came at a good time, but if there was ever the worst time possible, this was it. On our way to the open-house the roads were not looking good, but then the heavens opened and the storm stopped right at the time my open-house was to begin. I remember thinking it was such a blessing. As the night progressed, many of Stuarts friends and mission companions and former bishops came to support and his family even drove up from Las Vegas to be there. Both of my Mission Presidents came as well as a Sister from my mission. As for my extended family, one cousin and his wife came, and I will never forget that they did. Of all the people there, those 5 came for me.

The third and final story took place the weekend after that, the day of my nephews wedding. The family was gathered at my home in Hurricane, Utah. It was Thanksgiving weekend so we had quite a full house. Kyle's wedding had taken place earlier that day and most everyone that could attend the temple was there. Then came the time for his wedding reception. The family was mostly lounging around the house, watching football or whatever had drawn away their attention at the moment. It was getting to be about the time that we were to go to Kyle's reception, and when I began asking around about who we could ride over with I discovered that not a lot of my family members planned on attending. Because of the experience I had the weekend before with my own open house, I was quite a bit more sensitive to my family's habit of not attending events -- even big events -- simply because they didn't feel like it at the time and, since they attended the temple sealing that morning they felt like they did not need to go to the reception. After a bit of coaxing some key players (although some accused me of guilt-tripping) I managed to get a decent sized group to attend the reception.

Now, you have to understand, with 16 siblings, 15 in-laws, 85+ nieces and nephews (and counting) and 9 great-grandchildren in the mix there are a LOT of family events to attend. ALL.THE.TIME. Baptisms, weddings, baby blessings, birthdays, missionary homecomings and farewells, new callings, bridal showers, baby showers, etc. The list goes on and on. That's nearly 130 souls just in my immediate family that are having these events. It's not an easy (or possible) task to attend them all, and I wouldn't expect that any one person in my family would even try to especially with everyone so spread out. However, there is something to be said about making an effort to attend the events that you can. I can promise that no one invites you to an event to which they do not want you to come, and especially one that they planned themselves. In fact, I'm willing to bet that the planner would be absolutely thrilled if everyone he/she invited showed up.

This does not just apply to family events. I doubt that many other people in this world struggle with the same kind of family dynamic that I do. This applies to events planned by friends and acquaintances, too. I'll admit, I've been just as guilty in the past of not attending events that I said I would simply because it wasn't convenient or because I felt like they wouldn't even notice if I wasn't there. Or even because I didn't know the person THAT well and that I might feel uncomfortable hanging out there. Since my wedding open house, both Stuart and I decided that we were going to make a conscious effort to make it to all of the events that we reasonably could, even if it meant just stopping by for a minute. We realized that it does mean something to people when you attend, especially when they wouldn't expect you to. Since then I have had many opportunities to attend just such events and have been happily surprised when the host or hostess thanks me for coming and tells me that they're thrilled that I made it when they weren't sure if I would.

I have found that my relationships with these people are deeply impacted. This includes extended family members events for those whom I have never been particularly close with. I have also found that it often gets me out of my comfort zone, and because I associate with other people at the event that I wouldn't have otherwise my circle of friends is expanded and my love for them grows.

Quest for Perfection

This is a post I began writing about 2 years ago, then never finished and it has been sitting in my draft bin for all that time. Funny since the post is about progression, but here you go.


With the end of summer and the beginning of school the time has come once again to turn over a new leaf. Shake off the urge to play all night and sleep all day. Turn away the temptation to procrastinate work and shirk all responsibility.
I always love the fall season. Colorful leaves, start of school, busy schedules, a sense of purpose, football games, crisp air, the promise of Thanksgiving and Christmas vacations on the horizon, and plenty of social events to keep us busy on the nights and weekends.
Fall seems to be the busiest time of year for me, and each year I am struck with an urge to perfect myself in as many ways as possible. The trend has been such that this really only happens to me twice a year (now and New Years), I am becoming much better at making and sticking with my goals.
Something I realized that has helped me to accomplish this has been to look at the bigger picture, then hone in on the small everyday things that are sometimes so hard for us to do. Here is what I came up with. I call this my Chart of Excellence.

Because I am such a linear thinker this helps me to organize my priorities. I have divided my life into 5 different categories. Social, Educational, Spiritual, Financial and Physical. I have found that some of these areas I am lacking in and others I am excelling in, but there is always room for improvement. I have also divided each category into sub-categories for a more precise definition of the areas I need to work on. From there I have honed in even further and set goals for how I would like to perfect myself in each area, such as the following:



I get quite a bit of satisfaction out of organizing my life and using my time more efficiently to do productive things. John Bytheway gave a talk once called "Get off the Couch and Get a Life" where he told a story about his decision to do something he had always wanted to do: write a book. During his busy college life he decided that he was going to trade his least productive hours between 10 and midnight watching television, with what would be his most productive hours, 6-8 am to write his book. He said there were mornings that he did not want to get up but it all became worth it when he walked into Deseret Book and saw his book up for sale on the shelf. 

Not many things can compare to the feeling of accomplishing something hard. It's no wonder to me why that is so because our entire purpose to be on this earth is to progress, change and become more like our Father in Heaven. We are meant to go through trials that stretch our capabilities and comfort zones. Think of it this way: Our goal is to climb a mountain. In order to accomplish this we must go up, against the force of gravity amidst all the thorns and the weeds and the bushes with nothing but our own two legs to carry us. As we climb we come across some difficult situations that take careful consideration and help to get through, but we somehow manage it even though it might take a little more time than we would have wished. Over time as we continue the climb, our muscles build strength and the obstacles we encounter become less daunting. Our capacity to do the things that before seemed so difficult increases steadily, and the higher we go, the more beautiful the view. We look down on all the world and can see clearly all the hustle and bustle of the city below. We see a lost car driving around in a neighborhood and we can see exactly where it has been and all the options ahead of it. We may not know which path the car will take, but we can see where each path will lead. Because we have made the decision to make the climb we have achieved foresight. We now have the knowledge to help others that stand in need. Our vision has expanded and our understanding increased.