Anyone that knows me knows that I love people, and lots of them. I've always been a social butterfly and have a history of making friends and bringing them together. In my single college years especially I've been known to combine groups and extend invites to friends I've made in one area of my life to hang out with friends that I had from another area of my life. Sunday night game-nights living at Old Mill in Provo were an excellent example of this. We began with inviting just our ward. As the weeks went on I began to invite (and encourage others to invite) friends from school, members of my family in our same age bracket, friends from previous wards, friends from my mission and friends from my hometown to attend these game nights. At the climax we were consistently stuffing 30 or 40 people into our tiny living room every week, at which point a few of those less inclined to enjoy a too-large group setting would excuse themselves and go home. By this time a tight-knit group of friends had formed with about 13 or 14 of us and with several floaters that were in and out of the group depending on the activity. This was the highlight of my social life. We threw barbecues, attended rodeos and county fairs, played volleyball regularly, went on several road trips, and even took bigger trips to Hawaii and cruises to the Caribbean and eastern Central America. It was never an issue to get people to come to events. Over the several years that this group was in place it evolved because we continued to invite those people we met and because some individuals moved on to bigger and better things. In some cases, people in the group even began dating and got married (or are still in the process).
I would almost attribute my tendency to combine groups to the massive family I come from, except that not all of my siblings are the same way. It seems like the younger you are in my family the more social you are, something I cannot explain. Perhaps it has to do with being used to interacting with larger numbers of people in our growing up years than my siblings before. Whatever the reason, it is the case.
I have always loved people. I cannot think of very many people in my life that I do not like or was never able to get along with. My family has always been very important to me, but since I've been married it seems like that level of importance has been magnified. Being in such a large family has been absolutely wonderful, but it is also not without its struggles.
I learned a lesson recently that was quite painful. Perhaps it should not have been as painful as it was because for some it may have not been a big deal. I don't know that this lesson will necessarily apply or appeal to everyone but I will share it nonetheless. I will start by telling about 3 separate experiences I had.
The first was at my wedding reception this past November. The plan was to get married in the St George Temple that morning, have a wedding luncheon that afternoon in Hurricane, and have the wedding reception in Las Vegas that evening which is where Stuart is from. I wanted all of my siblings and their families to be at all of the events. I knew it would be a bit of a struggle to get everyone to drive to Las Vegas but most of them came and I was happy. It was actually quite incredible. This close-knit group of my friends drove down from Provo and Idaho and even flew in from Missouri for it. People who we didn't know but were acquainted with Stuarts parents came and wished us well and even brought gifts. The fact that so many people came to show their love and support and celebrated with us was so inspiring to me. People we didn't even know came to participate in the most important day of our lives. It made me want to pay it forward because I was so touched by their selflessness and generosity.
The second story took place a week later at our open-house in Highland, Utah. We decided to host the open-house in northern Utah because both Stuart and myself had spent a good chunk of our adult lives there and most of our friends and many of my extended family members were up there. I wanted to give those that I loved an option to come celebrate with me without having to drive down to Las Vegas. It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and happened to be the day of the first winter storm. I have never experienced a winter storm that ever came at a good time, but if there was ever the worst time possible, this was it. On our way to the open-house the roads were not looking good, but then the heavens opened and the storm stopped right at the time my open-house was to begin. I remember thinking it was such a blessing. As the night progressed, many of Stuarts friends and mission companions and former bishops came to support and his family even drove up from Las Vegas to be there. Both of my Mission Presidents came as well as a Sister from my mission. As for my extended family, one cousin and his wife came, and I will never forget that they did. Of all the people there, those 5 came for me.
The third and final story took place the weekend after that, the day of my nephews wedding. The family was gathered at my home in Hurricane, Utah. It was Thanksgiving weekend so we had quite a full house. Kyle's wedding had taken place earlier that day and most everyone that could attend the temple was there. Then came the time for his wedding reception. The family was mostly lounging around the house, watching football or whatever had drawn away their attention at the moment. It was getting to be about the time that we were to go to Kyle's reception, and when I began asking around about who we could ride over with I discovered that not a lot of my family members planned on attending. Because of the experience I had the weekend before with my own open house, I was quite a bit more sensitive to my family's habit of not attending events -- even big events -- simply because they didn't feel like it at the time and, since they attended the temple sealing that morning they felt like they did not need to go to the reception. After a bit of coaxing some key players (although some accused me of guilt-tripping) I managed to get a decent sized group to attend the reception.
Now, you have to understand, with 16 siblings, 15 in-laws, 85+ nieces and nephews (and counting) and 9 great-grandchildren in the mix there are a LOT of family events to attend. ALL.THE.TIME. Baptisms, weddings, baby blessings, birthdays, missionary homecomings and farewells, new callings, bridal showers, baby showers, etc. The list goes on and on. That's nearly 130 souls just in my immediate family that are having these events. It's not an easy (or possible) task to attend them all, and I wouldn't expect that any one person in my family would even try to especially with everyone so spread out. However, there is something to be said about making an effort to attend the events that you can. I can promise that no one invites you to an event to which they do not want you to come, and especially one that they planned themselves. In fact, I'm willing to bet that the planner would be absolutely thrilled if everyone he/she invited showed up.
This does not just apply to family events. I doubt that many other people in this world struggle with the same kind of family dynamic that I do. This applies to events planned by friends and acquaintances, too. I'll admit, I've been just as guilty in the past of not attending events that I said I would simply because it wasn't convenient or because I felt like they wouldn't even notice if I wasn't there. Or even because I didn't know the person THAT well and that I might feel uncomfortable hanging out there. Since my wedding open house, both Stuart and I decided that we were going to make a conscious effort to make it to all of the events that we reasonably could, even if it meant just stopping by for a minute. We realized that it does mean something to people when you attend, especially when they wouldn't expect you to. Since then I have had many opportunities to attend just such events and have been happily surprised when the host or hostess thanks me for coming and tells me that they're thrilled that I made it when they weren't sure if I would.
I have found that my relationships with these people are deeply impacted. This includes extended family members events for those whom I have never been particularly close with. I have also found that it often gets me out of my comfort zone, and because I associate with other people at the event that I wouldn't have otherwise my circle of friends is expanded and my love for them grows.
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