Dating: Confidants and Covenants

Confidant: a close friend or associate to whom secrets are confided or with whom private matters and problems are discussed.

About a year and half ago I first heard a talk by Hugh W Pinnock called "Ten Keys to Successful Dating and Marriage" that was given at a CES Fireside in the Marriott Center at BYU. One of his key points was that of keeping in confidence. In his talk he specifically mentions that we are never to turn to a third party in time of marital trouble unless it is to the Bishop or Branch President.

"Never ever, never ever, confide your marriage troubles to a third party, no, not even to your closest friend. He or she may be the first to tell your troubles to another, becoming the one to hurt you most severely. Lean on the Savior and rely upon your bishop and your stake president. Remember that because, as the years quickly come and go, there will be stressful times when you will need to talk to someone. Remember who it should be."

Because marriage is such an eternally binding contract this is of utmost importance. If marital issues arise the Bishop should be informed and his guidance sought after. Because I am not married, however, I have wondered to what extent it should be applied to my dating relationships and even relationships with my friends and family. Obviously the Bishop will not need to be involved unless serious transgression has occurred. I am referring more to the confidence part of it.

Human nature is such that we always want to know every juicy little detail about any relationship. For some strange reason humans love any kind of drama that occurs between any two or more people be it good or bad. For example any time I get home from a date and find my roommates at home they immediately want to know everything about it. This is not necessarily a bad thing, especially if the date went well. When things start to escalate with a particular boy I don't see any problem in telling anyone about it. However, there are certain aspects of close relationships that are private and should remain such. For whatever reason those seem to be the hardest secrets to keep to ourselves. So the question we must ask ourselves is "Where is the line between information that should be kept private and information that is okay to share?"

When a friend shares something with me I can usually determine if they are sharing it in confidence without them having to say "Don't tell anyone".

There are different relationships where this can occur:

1. In a relationship with an acquaintance
2. In a relationship with a close friend or family member
3. In a dating relationship

Sometimes we will stumble accidentally upon the private life of an acquaintance. No matter how we know this person, their personal information should never be shared. Why do we get so much satisfaction out of being the bearer of news?

In our relationships with our close friends and family members sometimes we just need to talk about things to someone. I can't count the number of times that either I have spoken with someone about my frustrations with someone else or someone has spoken to me about their frustrations with someone else. I also can't count the times that I have sat in a group setting and spoken about the faults or unfortunate situations of others not present. If they were there we certainly wouldn't be having the conversation because it usually displayed that person in a negative light. Why do we do this?

In a dating relationship family and friends always want to be informed on the progress of the relationship. This is a tricky one for me. I was once dating this guy who never told his family anything about our relationship. He was very close with his family and would take me to see them regularly, but whenever he was asked by his family about the status of our relationship or how things were going he would either say "it's good" or avoid the question altogether.  He told them things about me such as that I had served a mission and that I was from Hurricane, but never anything that was only between him and I. The only clues they had to how things were going were how we behaved toward each other when we were around them. At first when he told me that his family knew nothing I was a little bit skeptical. I wondered if he was actually telling me the truth because I myself hadn't afforded him the same treatment. As things progressed, however, I came to find out that he was indeed being honest. His parents and siblings didn't know a thing. I wouldn't have minded had he been more open with his family because things were good and there was nothing bad to tell. But as we approached a breakup when we knew things weren't going to work out, I had so much trust in him still that I wasn't afraid my reputation would be tainted with his family. If he wasn't going to tell them that things were good things he certainly wasn't going to tell them the bad. I could rest easy and know that if I ever ran into his family on the street they would still have the same impression of me as they did when we were dating. Good thing for me I never gave them any reason to think poorly of me.
Now, I don't mean to suggest that we shouldn't tell anyone good things about those we date. In fact I wish the world would speak more highly of one another. Camilla Kimball once said that we should "never suppress a generous thought". I would encourage all good things to be acknowledged and spoken. Kind words can only do good, but unkind words can only damage others, whether it be their self esteem or their reputation.

And why do we need to know who broke up with who anyway? In my recent breakup it seemed that that was the question I got most often. Does it really matter? If he broke up with me then I am thoroughly humiliated when I admit it. I'm a loser and inadequate; not up to standard. I'm a failure. That is if I don't give in to the temptation to lie about it to save face. "It was mutual" I would say. If the answer is that I was actually the one that broke up with him, that prompts the question from the asker, "why?" and the door is opened to spill all the juicy details of another's faults that humans love so much to hear. When the news of a breakup is heard, perhaps a better question to ask is, "what happened?" This will allow the questioned party to answer in a sensitive way if they choose to do so.

Calling All Missionaries

There are two things that I have wanted to do all my life: Serve a mission and attend beauty school. From a spiritual perspective it doesn't seem like the two paths could possibly go in more opposite directions since cosmetologists have earned themselves a relatively poor reputation because of the nature of the industry. Vanity and pride seem to be the core values of most in the profession, and within Utah at least, the typical girls that cosmetology schools attract aren't exactly known for being dedicated to getting a thorough education. For me, I have always wanted to do it because it's something that I thoroughly enjoy and that I'm good at. I get immense satisfaction in making a visible change for the better, especially with people. For the same reason I always took a little pleasure in mowing the lawn, vacuuming, and mopping an especially dirty floor. The change is immediate and dramatic and I particularly enjoy seeing the excited reactions of others upon encountering the beautiful completed project.



As far as always wanting to serve a mission, I have had the examples of 13 older siblings and a father who's mission experiences I have been able to learn from and aspire to. I just knew it was something I always wanted to do, and it was always something looming in my future that I couldn't ever seem to see past. My aspirations for the future only vaguely extended beyond my mission, and I knew that those decisions would become more clear to me as I reached the peak of my service. When it finally came time to put in my application papers, however, I was suddenly unsure because I had neglected to ask the Lord if it was right for me to go. I always just assumed it was right. I got on my knees and prayed fervently for an answer, but none seemed to come. After some time, I still wasn't getting the affirmative or the negative, so I decided to exercise a little faith. In my prayers I finally said, "Heavenly Father, I have decided I want to go on a mission. Please let me know if this is wrong." I submitted my papers and within 4 days I received my call.

In my family there seemed to be a trend as far as where we were sent to serve. All the girls had covered every populated continent except Australia. They went to Quito, Ecuador; Johannesburg, South Africa; Nashville, Tennessee (This one covered the North American continent); St Petersburg, Russia; Dusseldorf, Germany; San Salvador, El Salvador; and Kaohsiung, Taiwan. My brothers had all been called to different quadrants of the States. Macon, Georgia; Fresno, California; Cleveland, Ohio; Lubbock, Texas; and Eugene, Oregon. Naturally I hoped to be called to Australia or New Zealand to continue on this tradition, but when I got my call to Los Angeles (even though it was only a 6 hour drive from my home) I was overjoyed.

I was very excited about my call, but I still felt like I had not yet received an answer as to whether it was right for me to go. The following Sunday after I got my call, it just happened to be my best cousin Shawna's birthday. Her family invited me to eat a little family birthday breakfast with them at their home in Sandy and then attend their Stake Conference at which Elder Richard G. Scott was speaking. When we got to the conference our large family laid claim on a couple of rows towards the back and listened quietly as Elder Scott began to speak. Suddenly, in the middle of his talk he said "Can I get Rachel and Laura Stout to come up to the podium, please?" Rachel and Laura were my two cousins, 16 and 18 years old sitting on either side of me. They were as startled and surprised as the rest of us at the request of Elder Scott. How did he know who they were? So they timidly made their way up to the podium and Elder Scott put his arms around them and asked them a few simple questions. He asked them why they decided to be such stalwart examples of living the Gospel. He asked them why they dressed modestly and why they chose to read their scriptures regularly, and then invited them to bear their testimonies to the congregation. As he excused them to sit down he told them he wanted to meet their wonderful family at the conclusion of the meeting. As the meeting ended we all went up and stood behind the podium and waited for Elder Scott to finish shaking hands with the members of the Stake. He then turned to us and went around the circle asking each individual about their lives and their plans. When he finally got to me he shook my hand and immediately my Aunt Linda announced "She just got her mission call!". He asked me where and I told him proudly that I was to be serving in the California Los Angeles Temple Visitors Center, Spanish speaking. As soon as I said it he cocked his head a little and looked at me with sort of a quizzical eye and asked "when did you get that call?" To this I responded, "it was just last week!". Then he said, slowly and thoughtfully "I remember you! I was the one who issued your call. If you don't know already I can bear testimony to you that you are making the right choice. I remember feeling a very distinct impression that that is where you should go and you will have many rich and rewarding experiences while you're there."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing! Here was the member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles telling me that he was the one who issued my call and that he felt very strongly that it was right for me to go there. It was amazing that with the hundreds of applicants they have each week that he even remembered who I was. The answer to my plea was given directly to me by a Prophet of God! This tremendous response to my request played a vital role in my continued preparation to serve my mission. In the 4 months that I waited to leave, a truckload of opposition was dumped right in my path. Because of this experience, however, I was able to refer back to it to remind myself about why I made the decision to go. His final statement proved to be Prophetic. I did have many great and rewarding experiences while I was there, and no experience could have ever prepared me for life like my mission did.

I learned a few things from this experience. I learned that God really does care about us and He is there to answer our prayers. It was reaffirmed to me that there really are Prophets of God to lead and guide us and that they are in direct communication with God to do so. Also, if we are doing everything we can to keep the commandments, God will allow us to be in the right place at the right time to have the experiences we need to prepare us for future events. He really cares about where we go and what we do. The callings we receive as missionaries and members alike are inspired wholly by Him.

Fish Are Food, Not Friends

In todays world if I were to tell the public about every experience with animals I had growing up on the farm, my family would probably be apprehended and locked away, or at the very least shunned by the general population. Since we were raised on a farm we have quite a different perspective of animals than most people do. We're always respectful to life, but sometimes things just happen, you know? Like that one time as the weather was finally heating up we found 3 dead chickens in the swamp cooler. Or when we came home from church to find that someone had left the front door open and a bunch of chickens were kicking back on our couches watching the sports channel. Or that other time with Haylee and the frog and the door... yikes. Or that other time when we never solved the mystery of the missing goldfish. My mom found the 2-year old on the counter by the previously occupied tank, but never found the fish. Then there was the time when Sara had that accident with an entire family of ducks, or the new driver Savannah with the dog, or Daniel with the goat. Then those countless times with the homeless baby chicks in a box, the tadpoles in a cup, and the ants and spiders in a mason jar. Then that one time with Mom and the gopher and the hose, and mom and the scorpion, and Mom and the lizard, and Mom and the hyper little dog named Rascal. Then Jared and the hamsters, Sondra and that nasty millipede from South Africa and Tyler and the dove... yech. The more I think about it, the more I realize why I'm not fond of the idea to keep animals as pets. Let them be. They're safer without human interaction. At least from my family, anyway.

Obviously, animals all have a purpose and a place in life. Sometimes their place is to torment me like those pesky mosquitos, flies and goldfish. (Remember when Sondra got her hair all caught up in that insect-covered fly trap?) Sometimes their place is for the use of man. Cows serve a couple different functions. We did have that one cow, Betsy that gave us literally everything she had to offer. 17 years of milk and 17 year-old meat. Chickens are some of the dumbest animals I have ever interacted with, but I do appreciate their product. One time it was harvesting time for the chickens (if you know what I mean) and I was assigned the task of catching them all at dusk and putting them in the chicken coop to be ready for easy catching in the morning. (One time we had a headless rooster that literally kicked a bucket, then died). I caught almost all of them, but there was this one hen who kept jumping up on a small haystack to settle in for the night. I kept trying to corner her but she always jumped up and ran over the top of the stack before I could catch her. Then I'd back off a bit and within minutes she was right back on the same haystack and we'd do our little dance all over again. I must have tried 25 times to catch her. I don't know who was dumber, me or the chicken.

Pigs are strictly for eating, but I suppose I have had a precious little moment with a pig before. It's how I earned my nickname "Fern". I must have been 15 or so when a sow had just finished birthing a litter of pigs. There must have been 8 or 9 of them. It was in the middle of the winter and there was this one little runt that we didn't expect to live because the other little piglets kept pushing it out into the cold and it wasn't big enough to push its way back in. So I decided to take it upon myself to take that little pig in. It was about the size of a tennis shoe, and wiggly as a bored toddler. I guess he was kinda cute, but being not much of an animal person it was hard to let go of my pride to admit it. I washed him and gave him a box to sleep in for the night in my room and made him as comfortable as I could with plenty of towels to cuddle up to, but Wilbur wouldn't have it. He squealed and squealed all night long until I couldn't take it anymore. I finally wrapped him in a towel and let him cuddle up to me in my bed. It worked. The night became peaceful and quiet. I suppose the little girl in me was satisfied and I felt somewhat validated because the little guy loved me like his mother. I ended up keeping him for a couple of weeks I think before we plumped him up enough to get him back outside again. But he did live, and I suppose I was happy about it.

 I haven't figured out the purpose of keeping ducks or geese yet, but we have them. Some of those geese are mean little suckers. I was always afraid of gathering the eggs when we had geese because I was afraid one of them might attack me. I had been chased plenty of times before and seen enough battle wounds on my brothers and nephews to know not to mess with them. We have turkeys too, one we named "Obama". I've never heard of a rogue turkey but because they were similar in size and I'd had enough scares with the geese, I always grouped them in the same "animals to avoid" category. Especially since they're so scary looking.

If I were forced for whatever reason to have any kind of pet, you might could pay me to have a beta fish. They're relatively easy to maintain and they don't make noise, leave their DNA on the couches or leave the premises where they can get snatched up by a predator or animal control. Goldfish, on the other hand, are way too high maintenance, are annoyingly orange, and die if you so much as look at them funny. Last summer my roommate/best cousin Shawna "won" a goldfish from the carnival. She very proudly brought it home and put it in a bowl and there Warrior has lived like a champion up until three days ago. When I heard the news of his death I was a little less than sad; I sipped the rest of my Jamba and skipped merrily on my way. A few days later I was driving myself and my hilarious niece Anna home from Institute. Naturally, the subject turned to goldfish and I proceeded to tell her that if anyone asked me if we could have another goldfish I would tell them no. She thought it was unusually hilarious. When we got home, she collapsed into a giggling fit in the entry way and I couldn't figure out why. Only to turn around to see this:

NOOOOOO!!! What a dirty trick. Yep, that's 50 of them, folks. 50 slimy little replacements for Warrior. These are the culprits of this sick little joke:

Anna, Emily, Abby. How could you do this to me? You know my disdain for goldfish. I just feel bad for those little fishies because when Shawna cleans the bowl she's going to have to use a strainer to get them all out. I'll probably just save her the hassle and sneak them off to that nice little Koi pond at a nearby Sushi restaurant when no one is looking.

Media Vs. the Word of Wisdom

I recently had a very explicit epiphany: Your body is made up of what you put into it, and it functions accordingly. The food we eat is what our vital organs have to thank for keeping us alive. It is what goes into building our muscles and organs and gives us the energy to perform our daily tasks. So what if we put nutrient-deficient or polluted substances into our body? I’m no doctor, but it seems to me like the body will either reject it and eject it, store it elsewhere, or use the inadequate substitute anyway in place of the real nutrient that it needs. What if we consistently eat faulty or impure substances? The body tries to draw from an empty well. It can’t function properly, and the deficit manifests itself in ways like lack of energy, slower metabolism, illness, mental incapacities or system failure. How long can we expect our car to run if we put oil in our gas tank?

It's kind of like when Andrew Carnegie started up his steel mills. Raw steel wasn't strong enough to use for heavy duty projects because of the impurities found within it. So Andrew Carnegie figured out a way in his mills to eliminate the weak elements such as sulfur, phosphorus, and excess carbon and to add alloying elements such as manganese, nickel, and chromium to produce a steel beam strong enough to support a building. With the food that is available to us now, we need to figure out a way to get it into its purest form so that our vital organs will be strong enough to sustain our lives for years to come. Our biggest battle is convenience. It's not very convenient to have to prepare your food before you eat it, but such is the way to a healthy lifestyle.

Since our bodies are a precious gift we were given by the Lord to house our spirits and to use as a tool for progression, it seems to me like the Lord would also give us everything we need to take care of it and keep it healthy. To me that means that the closer to natural the food is that we eat, the better it is for us. The more efficiently and easily our body can use it, the more energy we have and the better we feel. Up until the last few decades the world has always eaten natural food from the earth. Obviously there were still natural foods that were more wholesome and preferable than others such as in the story of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshac and Abed-nego as they requested to be fed differently from the other boys in the house of King Nebuchadnezzar; but never has there been so much confusion in the nutritional world as there is now, and never has there been so much nutritional deficiency. Substances that appeal to our senses and preserve our food are now being used excessively which is causing severe imbalance to our diet as a nation.

The bottom line is: What we eat determines how we function. Here's my recent realization: It's the same with our spirits. Everything that we expose our minds to determines how we spiritually and mentally develop. If the mental activities we choose to engage in are stimulating, educational and will help us learn then our mental capacity will expand and we can expect to do better in life. We can more easily understand certain principles of life and therefore our actions will change and our quality of life will be much improved. For example, someone learning about the Plan of Salvation for the first time might come to understand and value life in a different way than they did previously. They will change their behavior in order to qualify for the blessings of Heaven and as a result receive extensive earthly blessings for keeping the commandments. If, however, we choose to fill our minds with dirty or pointless entertainment such as what is rampant in music, movies and social media today, what do we gain? We are entertained for the moment. It is a waste of precious time and you will not have anything to show for it except maybe a few movie lines. Even worse, though, if what you are watching is offensive, not only will you be unreceptive to the promptings of the Spirit, but you actually digress rather than progress. All those hours you spend at church, studying your scriptures and spiritually "climbing a mountain" will be less effective if you are just going to roll back down that mountain by exposing yourself to filth. I don't know about you, but when I go hiking I would rather just go straight up. The journey is so much harder than it needs to be if we are consistently taking one step back for every two steps forward. And all for what? Entertainment? Allowing contamination to penetrate your thoughts causes one to become def to spiritual promptings and blind to truth. It is a literal spiritual incapacitation, and we all do it so deliberately and so frequently. Sure, there is a place for music and entertainment; but there is never a place for obscenity or vulgarity. 

Because we are spirit children of our heavenly parents, and physical children of our earthly parents, we need to work to grow both spiritually and physically. Natural foods are the best way to receive proper physical nourishment. Spiritual promptings from the Holy Ghost are the best way to receive spiritual nourishment. Any time we block that channel with the Spirit we are literally engaging in spiritual starvation. But the more we allow the Spirit to penetrate our hearts, the better we come to know the Savior, the stronger our testimony becomes, the more good we do and the more blessings we receive. We thrive in all areas of life. "If there is anything virtuous, lovely or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." 

The Parable of the Tide Pen

Once while on my mission my companion and I were at a Saturday evening dinner appointment with one of the members of our ward. We were taken to a delicious Sushi restaurant on Sawtelle Boulevard, and while eating I accidentally spilled a small amount of soy sauce on my white sleeve. I had previously been introduced to the Tide pen, which is an on-the-go stain remover that works laundering miracles. My sorely limited and scanty mission clothes were rescued many times by the magic contained in that spectacular little flasket. Without hesitation I whipped it out of my bag and began to administer to the stain which miraculously and quickly disappeared. This was very impressive to the onlooking member of our ward who had never beheld the beauty of the Tide pen, and he began to ask questions about it. I casually answered his questions and how told him how handy it had been in saving me so many times. I carried it around with me wherever I went so I could call upon it in a moment's notice. The member indicated he was interested in getting one for himself, and I affirmed that it would be a good idea. As missionaries do at dinner appointments, we then launched into our previously prepared lesson for the evening: member missionary work.

The following day I was to speak in the sacrament meeting of our ward. My topic? Missionary work and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. In my final preparation for the talk I recalled the experience of the day before and noted an interesting similarity between my given topic and the Tide pen incident. In our lesson to the member we were inviting him to more actively persue his responsibility as a member missionary. Many have concerns that there is never much opportunity to bring up such a sensitive subject as religion to co-workers, friends or acquaintances. They feel awkward talking about it or they don't want to seem pushy or aggressive in sharing their beliefs. Well, it doesn't have to be that way.

I discovered that the Tide pen is not only the Gospel, but specifically the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As we become more acquainted with Jesus Christ and truly begin to understand our relationship with him, we begin to understand His atonement and how we can more fully utilize it in our lives. As we act and apply it to our own situations, we come to feel the lifting of the burdens of sin and transgression from our backs. Those "stains" are washed completely away and we are no longer laden with the heavy guilt or the shame of wearing a dirty shirt. As soon as those burdens are lifted not only can we stand more erectly (and therefore more outstanding and visible to those around us) but our countenance is brightened and we become "a light unto all that is in the house".

Just like insects, people are drawn to light. We can't help it. It's in our divine nature. We love people that emanate happiness and we aspire to be like them. Real happiness is being free from the burden of sin. The way to "let our light so shine" is to partake of the Atonement, and the more fully we partake of it the more it becomes a part of us. The more we understand it the easier it is to share it casually with those around us without feeling sensitive about the subject.

So in the spirit of this Easter season and the celebration of Christ's Atonement and resurrection, I have decided to choose one specific behavior that I indulge in that interferes with my relationship with Christ and work to eliminate it completely. Not temporarily, but permanently. It may be as simple as not overeating or refraining from watching a certain television show or listening to a certain type of music. Or maybe I'll find a way to help me remember Christ more throughout the day. I will ask myself this question: "What can I change to improve my relationship with the Savior?" I already know this will result in increased overall happiness and a heightened desire to share the Gospel. We all have possession of something infinitely more precious, beautiful and powerful than the Tide pen. Why wouldn't we want to use it and share it?

Dating and Missionary Work: A Common Thread

If you're like me, you are either freshly home from your mission with the sound of your Mission President's counsel to get married ringing in your ears or you have graduated or will soon graduate from your designated school and have virtually no marriage prospects, but are looking for a permanent change in your relationship status. You are fed up with the dating scene and the games one must play to have a chance at doing well in it. Well, I finally discovered that you don't have to play games to win, and of all places to figure out how to thrive in the dating world I learned it on my mission.

In the California Los Angeles Mission (also known as the CLAM), a missionary may encounter the richest of the rich, and the poorest of the poor. I served in an area called "The Jungle" of which has been said is the birthplace of the song by Guns n' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle" because of the wild lifestyle of the residents there. It's a little north of Compton, and a little south of Downtown, and very much in East LA. If any of you know anything about Los Angeles geography, you know that it's a pretty rough area. In fact, that area was the dividing line between the Bloods and the Kripps, which meant there was a higher shooting rate in that area than many others in East LA. I'm pretty sure I made up the entire .001% of the caucasian population there, and I even had to dye my blonde hair brown to keep from sticking out like a sore thumb. It was a very educational and eye opening experience as my little chapparita companion, Hermana Garcia who grew up working the streets of Phoenix taught me the harsh ways of life in the deep ghetto. She even taught me what phrases like "ghetto bird" (helicopter) meant. Immediately after that area I was transferred to an area called Brentwood, smashed right in between Beverly Hills and Malibu. Covering the Santa Monica Stake, Brentwood is home to many famous, wealthy and extremely influential people of the world. So you can imagine the culture shock I experienced during this transition period.

I was never asked, but people always assumed that Brentwood was a more difficult area than the Jungle. It turns out, however, that it actually wasn't, and that was only because I didn't figure out how to be an effective missionary until I actually got into Brentwood. I finally figured out the key to effective missionary work. TALK TO EVERYONE. I never fully comprehended what Preach My Gospel, my Mission President and the First Presidency of the church were telling us when they said we needed to talk to everyone. I knew that we shouldn't pass anyone up, and I tried not to but that didn't stop me from filling our schedule with unpromising visits for the sake of having something to do. Talking to everyone also has a twin brother named "Drop it like it's hot". The combination of both is a lethal weapon for missionary work. Let me explain. 

In my first area, my companion and I worked so hard to get the people we were teaching to keep their commitments. We prayed ferevently that those who were struggling would have a change of heart and a sincere desire to partake of the delicious fruit we were offering to them. We visited them regularly, we served them as often as possible, and we testified our little hearts out trying to get them to see the beauty of the Gospel. We wanted so much for them to want what we had! They would not progress, however. They wouldn't read, they wouldn't come to church, and they wouldn't pray. They would keep their apointments, though. We found that they just really loved our company and the attention we were giving them. This was very frustrating to me. I couldn't understand why missionary work was so hard. I took it as a fault of my own that my testimony just wasn't enough to inspire these people to choose the right. It wasn't until I was transfered into Brentwood that I discovered when to drop people.
Within the tiny borders of the CLAM there are nearly 5.5 million residents. I realized that there had to be at LEAST one person who was prepared and ready right then to hear about and accept the message of the Restoration. If I was wasting precious time with people who were not going to keep their commitments, I would not have that time to find those who were ready. So we dropped them. I learned how to be bold and blunt, and even though I loved these people something fierce, I let them know that I would be waiting for them with open arms when they decided to take seriously what I was trying to tell them. I realized this:

If we as a companionship were to talk to 50 people every day (whether by street contacting, tracting or however), and we could count on being rejected 90% of the time and successful only 10% of the time, that would mean that each day we could count on setting up 5 new appointments with someone every day, or 35 new appointments each week. If only 10% of those people were genuinely interested and wanted to learn more, we could count on 3.5 new investigators coming to church each week. If we had 3.5 new investigators each week in church, that would mean 14 new investigators in a month and if only 10% of those accepted a baptismal date, we would be baptizing 1.4 people every month! At least for LA, those are some pretty good numbers. Now, these are just statistics here. I realize that the more you teach the less opportunity you have to find, and none of this is even factoring in the Spirit, teaching more than 1 person per household, working with the members and getting referrals. So don't take this too far, it's all just to illustrate a point.

So, we freed up our schedule and put into action this new realization. I directed my companionship into the ever-so-painful "finding" mode. I think we visited more homes in those last 4 transfers than I had in my entire mission previously, but I think we also experienced more success in those last 4 transfers than in my entire mission previously. We were on fire. We were seeing miracle after miracle, even moreso than what I had seen before. It worked! In a ward that hadn't seen a new investigator for a very long time, we had sometimes 4 or 5 new people coming each week for church. I was sore amazed that the Lord was guiding us to those people who were ready.

It seems to me that many of us in the dating scene experience many of the same fundamental problems. We all hate being in the painful "finding" mode. It's miserable! It's easy to succomb to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. Sometimes there is no one of interest for us to even think about, or sometimes those that we take interest in have no interest in us. Sometimes there is mutual interest, but you have concerns about a certain behavior or characteristic about that person that provokes alarm or disenchantment.

Whatever it may be, I am a firm believer that the best way to progress in the dating world is to TALK TO EVERYONE. There is someone out there that is exactly what you need and want, and they are ready for you right now! Expand the horizons of your dating pool. Break away from your normal group of friends on occasion and try out a new crowd. If you have the option of staying in or going out, ALWAYS go out. You never know who you will meet. If you're like me and you work full time by yourself and attend school every week night until 10 pm with no one but your same gender, find opportunities to attend other activities on the weekends, even if the activity isn't necessarily something you would normally participate in. You might even be so bold as to test the online dating waters. The times are changing and there is nothing shameful about tapping into those resources. It's just another outlet for you to meet new people. The church uses every way in its means to find people who are ready for the Gospel, so why shouldn't you take advantage of every portal to find your spouse? Statistically speaking, the more you get your name out there the higher your chances are of catching the eye of someone you are interested in back. If you are dating someone and it isn't going anywhere, drop 'em like they're hot. Push through the discomfort and loneliness and if they text or call after you've officially broken up DO NOT RESPOND unless it's to wish them a final farewell. All the pain and discomfort of your breakup will be for nothing and you'll be right back where you started. If you don't find what you're looking for, don't be afraid to move on. It may be painful, but I can promise that in the end it will all be worth it. You WILL find them, you've just got to go forth with faith, and faith means action. You've got an eternity of happiness awaiting you, now you need to just put forth the effort to reach it.

A Few Familial Facts

As I mentioned, I come from a family of 16 children. All are whole, from the same mom and dad, and yes, there are two sets of twins (back to back, might I add). That little fact seems to make people feel better about the whole situation. Because of the very rare and interesting dynamics of my family, all 16 of us have developed very peculiar views of the familial world in which we live. For example, I have been a great aunt since I was 18 (well, I've always been a GREAT aunt, but you know what I mean). My oldest niece Nichole is 3 years older than I and now has 4 children. Last I checked (which was a month or two ago) I had 75 nieces and nephews. For all I know by now I might have 76 or even 78. I couldn't tell you which of my Sisters or Sisters-in-law are pregnant and certainly not how pregnant they are. Of the 400 people that are descended from or married into my grandparents family of 11 children, my father's family alone comprises 110 of them. Upon learning of the massive dynamics of my family I was once asked by a recent acquaintance to list all the names of my nieces and nephews. I did so, and in the list there were at least 3 Joseph's, 2 Michael's, 2 Hannah's and probably a few more duplicates. I had some trouble remembering the name of a few of those more recently born. My oldest Sister is creeping up on 50, and my younger brother coming up on 21. My mother was 47 when the last was born and my father 57. My dad in two short years will reach the ripe old age of 80. My 3 nieces who are older than I played the role of cousins during my childhood years, and those younger than I but still close in age now serve the function as close friends and roommates. It was as if I were being raised by my grandparents because of my parent's age, but I have come to really appreciate it. My parents were seasoned child-raising veterans and I never felt either neglected nor smothered, and they always knew how to explain to me why I should behave a certain way. When I understood that it was right, it was never hard for me to behave well.

I have often been asked "Do you feel close to all your siblings?" The answer is yes, but I think my definition of "close" is very different from that of the member of a regular-sized family. I don't have the memory span each week or even month to call each of my siblings up and have a chat about what's going on in their lives. I don't always remember everyone's birthday, but when I do they at least get a nice text or facebook message. I usually find out about births, moving or buying a house or other significant goings-on in the family through the grapevine or on facebook. This sort of relationship with my siblings would not be considered "close" in the eyes of many, but that isn't what defines it for me. We all love each other because we learned how to work hard together. Because there are so many of us with so many different personalities we had to learn early how to adjust our own behavior to please my contention-sensitive mother. We learned that it was much a more pleasant feeling to be happy than to be irritated or upset, so we learned how to not let the fickle things others did bother us. Because we grew up under the same roof, we can all expect to be held by the same standard of excellence, educationally as well as spiritually. Laziness has never been a part of my family culture.

For the most part my siblings have very much to do with the decisions I make from day to day. I can't say we were all raised by the same parents because my mother 40 years ago is a very different person from my mother now, but the fundamentals are still the same. My mother and father have always built the foundation of our family on the rock of Jesus Christ, and we all adhere to that. I am expected by all of my siblings -- especially my Sisters -- to toe the line when it comes to how I behave, who I date, where I go, and what I do with my life. Because of the incredible examples they have been and where they have taken their lives, I have some pretty big shoes to fill.

My parents have been incredibly successful in raising this family. We certainly are not without our problems but just to illustrate, two Septembers ago my parents sent out my little brother, the 15th full time missionary to serve from my immediate family. When he went through the Temple to receive his endowments, my mother's lifelong dream came true of having all 16 of her children attend the same Temple session. Not only are all still active and Temple-worthy, but all (if applicable) have married exceptionally well and all are educated, successful and are giving back to the communities in which they reside.

When we all get together to talk about it, we always attribute it to my parent's unwavering faith and unfailing devotion to teach us the Gospel. During my grade-school years, I could expect to be woken up at 6:30 in the morning, right after my Mom would get home from her early morning run. While we were getting ready for school my mom would go in the kitchen and prepare breakfast for us. While we were eating breakfast she would use that time to teach us from the scriptures, particularly the Book of Mormon. We would then pray together and she would send us on our merry way to school. She tells us that there were mornings when she didn't want to get up, but on one particular morning she heard a voice loud in her ear say "if you don't get up and teach your children the scriptures, you will lose one or more." This was enough motivation to get her moving, and we scarcely missed a morning study session.

I don't know what I did in the pre-mortal life to deserve the family I was born into, but I couldn't be more grateful for my life now. "Everything I am or hope to be, I owe to my Angel mother." - Abraham Lincoln

To read an article about my family in the Deseret News, click here!: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705374512/Hurricane-Utah-family-sends-out-more-than-a-dozen-missionaries.html

Jumping on the Blogging Bandwagon

Here I am, finally writing my public journal. I did have one once before where I intended to record all of my world travel adventures, but upon my lack of world travel the blog quickly withered and died. Well, I suppose that isn't entirely true. I have seen my fair share of the world, or at least my older siblings would say so who didn't leave the States until they were 30. I have experienced briefly various countries in Central America, the Caribbean, France, Italy, and the tiny isles of Bermuda and Hawaii all in my 24 years of life. Not to mention that 18-month period that I served an LDS mission to the great country of Los Angeles where it could be said that I served in all countries in the world at once because of the cultural and social diversity that is found there. Yes, I have much experience to be thankful for and plan to continue to build my travel resume.