Dating and Missionary Work: A Common Thread

If you're like me, you are either freshly home from your mission with the sound of your Mission President's counsel to get married ringing in your ears or you have graduated or will soon graduate from your designated school and have virtually no marriage prospects, but are looking for a permanent change in your relationship status. You are fed up with the dating scene and the games one must play to have a chance at doing well in it. Well, I finally discovered that you don't have to play games to win, and of all places to figure out how to thrive in the dating world I learned it on my mission.

In the California Los Angeles Mission (also known as the CLAM), a missionary may encounter the richest of the rich, and the poorest of the poor. I served in an area called "The Jungle" of which has been said is the birthplace of the song by Guns n' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle" because of the wild lifestyle of the residents there. It's a little north of Compton, and a little south of Downtown, and very much in East LA. If any of you know anything about Los Angeles geography, you know that it's a pretty rough area. In fact, that area was the dividing line between the Bloods and the Kripps, which meant there was a higher shooting rate in that area than many others in East LA. I'm pretty sure I made up the entire .001% of the caucasian population there, and I even had to dye my blonde hair brown to keep from sticking out like a sore thumb. It was a very educational and eye opening experience as my little chapparita companion, Hermana Garcia who grew up working the streets of Phoenix taught me the harsh ways of life in the deep ghetto. She even taught me what phrases like "ghetto bird" (helicopter) meant. Immediately after that area I was transferred to an area called Brentwood, smashed right in between Beverly Hills and Malibu. Covering the Santa Monica Stake, Brentwood is home to many famous, wealthy and extremely influential people of the world. So you can imagine the culture shock I experienced during this transition period.

I was never asked, but people always assumed that Brentwood was a more difficult area than the Jungle. It turns out, however, that it actually wasn't, and that was only because I didn't figure out how to be an effective missionary until I actually got into Brentwood. I finally figured out the key to effective missionary work. TALK TO EVERYONE. I never fully comprehended what Preach My Gospel, my Mission President and the First Presidency of the church were telling us when they said we needed to talk to everyone. I knew that we shouldn't pass anyone up, and I tried not to but that didn't stop me from filling our schedule with unpromising visits for the sake of having something to do. Talking to everyone also has a twin brother named "Drop it like it's hot". The combination of both is a lethal weapon for missionary work. Let me explain. 

In my first area, my companion and I worked so hard to get the people we were teaching to keep their commitments. We prayed ferevently that those who were struggling would have a change of heart and a sincere desire to partake of the delicious fruit we were offering to them. We visited them regularly, we served them as often as possible, and we testified our little hearts out trying to get them to see the beauty of the Gospel. We wanted so much for them to want what we had! They would not progress, however. They wouldn't read, they wouldn't come to church, and they wouldn't pray. They would keep their apointments, though. We found that they just really loved our company and the attention we were giving them. This was very frustrating to me. I couldn't understand why missionary work was so hard. I took it as a fault of my own that my testimony just wasn't enough to inspire these people to choose the right. It wasn't until I was transfered into Brentwood that I discovered when to drop people.
Within the tiny borders of the CLAM there are nearly 5.5 million residents. I realized that there had to be at LEAST one person who was prepared and ready right then to hear about and accept the message of the Restoration. If I was wasting precious time with people who were not going to keep their commitments, I would not have that time to find those who were ready. So we dropped them. I learned how to be bold and blunt, and even though I loved these people something fierce, I let them know that I would be waiting for them with open arms when they decided to take seriously what I was trying to tell them. I realized this:

If we as a companionship were to talk to 50 people every day (whether by street contacting, tracting or however), and we could count on being rejected 90% of the time and successful only 10% of the time, that would mean that each day we could count on setting up 5 new appointments with someone every day, or 35 new appointments each week. If only 10% of those people were genuinely interested and wanted to learn more, we could count on 3.5 new investigators coming to church each week. If we had 3.5 new investigators each week in church, that would mean 14 new investigators in a month and if only 10% of those accepted a baptismal date, we would be baptizing 1.4 people every month! At least for LA, those are some pretty good numbers. Now, these are just statistics here. I realize that the more you teach the less opportunity you have to find, and none of this is even factoring in the Spirit, teaching more than 1 person per household, working with the members and getting referrals. So don't take this too far, it's all just to illustrate a point.

So, we freed up our schedule and put into action this new realization. I directed my companionship into the ever-so-painful "finding" mode. I think we visited more homes in those last 4 transfers than I had in my entire mission previously, but I think we also experienced more success in those last 4 transfers than in my entire mission previously. We were on fire. We were seeing miracle after miracle, even moreso than what I had seen before. It worked! In a ward that hadn't seen a new investigator for a very long time, we had sometimes 4 or 5 new people coming each week for church. I was sore amazed that the Lord was guiding us to those people who were ready.

It seems to me that many of us in the dating scene experience many of the same fundamental problems. We all hate being in the painful "finding" mode. It's miserable! It's easy to succomb to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. Sometimes there is no one of interest for us to even think about, or sometimes those that we take interest in have no interest in us. Sometimes there is mutual interest, but you have concerns about a certain behavior or characteristic about that person that provokes alarm or disenchantment.

Whatever it may be, I am a firm believer that the best way to progress in the dating world is to TALK TO EVERYONE. There is someone out there that is exactly what you need and want, and they are ready for you right now! Expand the horizons of your dating pool. Break away from your normal group of friends on occasion and try out a new crowd. If you have the option of staying in or going out, ALWAYS go out. You never know who you will meet. If you're like me and you work full time by yourself and attend school every week night until 10 pm with no one but your same gender, find opportunities to attend other activities on the weekends, even if the activity isn't necessarily something you would normally participate in. You might even be so bold as to test the online dating waters. The times are changing and there is nothing shameful about tapping into those resources. It's just another outlet for you to meet new people. The church uses every way in its means to find people who are ready for the Gospel, so why shouldn't you take advantage of every portal to find your spouse? Statistically speaking, the more you get your name out there the higher your chances are of catching the eye of someone you are interested in back. If you are dating someone and it isn't going anywhere, drop 'em like they're hot. Push through the discomfort and loneliness and if they text or call after you've officially broken up DO NOT RESPOND unless it's to wish them a final farewell. All the pain and discomfort of your breakup will be for nothing and you'll be right back where you started. If you don't find what you're looking for, don't be afraid to move on. It may be painful, but I can promise that in the end it will all be worth it. You WILL find them, you've just got to go forth with faith, and faith means action. You've got an eternity of happiness awaiting you, now you need to just put forth the effort to reach it.